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Question:
As salaam mu alaikum. What are the rights of daughter in law in islam. Does the in laws have a right to ask daughter in law why she has not done so and so for them or certain chores? Is the daughter in law obligated to do anything for them even if she doesn’t want to?
Answer:
As salām ʿalaikum wa raḥmatullāhī wa barakātuhu
In the Name of Allāh, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
Respected Sister,
Generally, nikāḥ and in-laws are intertwined aspects of marriage. Although each individual in this system has their own rights, flexibility is the key to maintaining happy relationships. Looking at rights and responsibilities too rigidly can cause more challenges then ease. The challenges faced with one’s in-laws ought to be dealt with in a manner that best reflects the values of iḥsān which includes qualities of overlooking, kindness, and mutual respect. This may be more practical and may offer solutions of harmony to a greater extent than just looking at one’s rights.
Sister, although the daughter in law is not obligated to serve her in-laws and neither do they have the right to interfere in her personal matters, consider the fact that in making one’s in-laws happy, one will be pleasing one’s husband.
We advise the daughter in-law to adopt patience, to overlook, and to regulate her emotions by way of noble intentions.
If one’s in-laws have become overbearing to the extent that one is unable to maintain decorum and it is leading to an environment that is not conducive to love, harmony, and peace, we advise the husband and wife communicate with each other in a mature manner. They can then mutually set boundaries that would allow for a lasting and peaceful relationship.
As much as the wife should adopt an outlook of patience, the husband should be understanding and be wary of pestering and persisting his wife to serve his parents. Serving them is his responsibility, not hers.
And Allāh Taʿālā knows best.