6829 – 0113
Question:
Assalmu alaikum hope you are well InshaAllah and can assist me
A couple was gone away for holiday when they got into an argument which led to the husband saying ‘you want me to divorce you, is that what u want’
The wife did not respond
After this the husband walked out the house wife followed to reconcile with him
He then verbally said ‘I take you back into my nikaah’ and they were intimate
Does this count as a talaaq if so did they reconcile in the correct way
Answer:
As salām ʿalaikum wa raḥmatullāhī wa barakātuhū
In the Name of Allāh, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
Respected Sister,
The sharīʿah has placed great emphasis on the family unit and its preservation.
Disagreements and arguments are normal within a marriage. Infrequent disagreements may even prove healthy as it gives way for feelings of empathy and teaches both spouses the skill of conflict resolution.
If, however, arguments become too frequent and there seems no plausible way forward, the couple should resort to seeking help from wise and experienced individuals from within their circle of trust, as per the Quranic injunction, before taking matters into their own hands and resorting to discussions of divorce.
Hereunder is a recipe for a successful marriage by my beloved teacher, Mufti Ebrahim Desai رحمه الله :
- Fear Allāh: It was the noble practice of Nabī صلى الله عليه وسلم to conscientize the spouses about the fear for Allāh before performing a Nikāḥ by reciting the verses (Nisā’ v14, Aḥzāb v69, Āl ʿImrān v101) from the Qur’ān. All the verses are common in the message of Taqwa (fear of Allāh). The spouses will be first committed to Allāh before being committed to their partner. There can be no doubt in the success of a marriage governed by the fear of Allāh.
- Never be angry at the same time: Anger is the root cause for all marital disputes. One Ṣaḥābī came to Rasūlullah صلى الله عليه وسلم and sought some advice. Rasūlullah صلى الله عليه وسلم replied, control your anger. The same advice was rendered three times. (Mishkāt pg.433; HM Saeed)
- If one has to win an argument, let it be the other: Nabī صلى الله عليه وسلم said: “Whoever discards an argument despite being correct shall earn a palace in the centre of Jannah.” (Ibid pg.412)
- Never shout at each other unless the house is on fire: Luqmān عليه السلام while offering advice to his son said: “and lower your voice for verily the most disliked voice is that of a donkey”. (Sūrah Luqmān v19)
- If you have to criticize, do it lovingly: Rasūlullah صلى الله عليه وسلم said, “A Mu’min is a mirror for a Mu’min.” (Abū Dāwūd vol.2 pg.325; Imdādiyah). Advise with dignity and silently.
- Never bring up mistakes of the past: Nabī صلى الله عليه وسلم said: “Whoever conceals the faults of others, Allāh shall conceal his faults on the day of Qiyāmah.” (Mishkāt pg.429; HM Saeed)
- Neglect the whole world rather than your marriage partner: Nabī صلى الله عليه وسلم confirmed the advice of Salmān رضي الله عنه to Abū al-Dardā رضي الله عنه for neglecting his wife. “Verily there is a right of your wife over you.” (Nasa’ī Ḥadīth:2391)
- Never sleep with an argument unsettled: Abū Bakr رضي الله عنه resolved his dispute with his wife over-feeding the guests before going to bed. (Bukhārī Ḥadīth: 602)
- At least, once every day, express your gratitude to your partner: Nabī صلى الله عليه وسلم said, “Whoever does not show gratitude to the people has not shown gratitude to Allah.” (Abū Dāwūd pg.662; Karachi)
- When you have done something wrong, be ready to admit it and ask for forgiveness: Nabī صلى الله عليه وسلم said, “All the sons of Aadam commit error, and the best of those who err are those who seek forgiveness.” (Tirmidhī Ḥadīth: 2499)
Sister, in the enquired scenario, the statement of the husband does not constitute a divorce. Accordingly, there was no need to reconcile the nikāḥ.
And Allāh Taʿālā knows best.
رد المحتار على الدر المختار— ابن عابدين، محمد أمين بن عمر بن عبد العزيز عابدين الدمشقي الحنفي (ت ١٢٥٢ هـ) 3/230
(قوله وركنه لفظ مخصوص) هو ما جعل دلالة على معنى الطلاق من صريح أو كناية فخرج الفسوخ على ما مر، وأراد اللفظ ولو حكما ليدخل الكتابة المستبينة وإشارة الأخرس والإشارة إلى العدد بالأصابع في قوله أنت طالق هكذا كما سيأتي.وبه ظهر أن من تشاجر مع زوجته فأعطاها ثلاثة أحجار ينوي الطلاق ولم يذكر لفظا لا صريحا ولا كناية لا يقع عليه كما أفتى به الخير الرملي وغيره